Succumbing to the pressures of "moustache envy" from his colleagues in the New Orleans Police Department, Det. Thomas Ripp of the Homicide division injudiciously shaved off the most redeeming feature of his face.

Det. Ripp "draws strength" from his moustache, and in its absence, tragic mishaps have occurred. In 2015, for example, Det. Ripp inexplicably lost control of the unmarked police car that he was driving, crashing into a cement light pole.

We, the undersigned, hope that Det. Ripp's colleagues, particularly Det. (and part-time porno star) Ryan Vaught, will recognize that, without Det. Ripp's moustache, the New Orleans Police Department has a slightly diminished intimidation factor. Please, Det. Ripp, grow your moustache again and help restore order to the universe.