Black Grape's 'Agadoo,' the worst song ever written, is to be re-released as a 2009 remix, and we at Total Guitar aim to stop it. The track reached #2 in the 1984 charts and includes the infamously terrible lyric: "Ag-a-doo-doo-doo, push pineapple, shake the tree, Aga-doo-doo-doo, push pineapple, grind coffee." Remixing this horrific slice of mind-wilting, wedding-disco diarrhoea is akin to spray-painting a steaming turd brown. What makes it even more insluting is that a video for the new version has already been shot, directed by former Coronation Street actor Bruce Jones (aka Les Battersby), and 'stars' Kevin Kennedy (be-curtained moron Curly Watts). Take a minute to imagine your middle-aged relatives forming a conga line at your birthday party, and then sign this petition to ensure this drastic toepoke-in-the-goolies of musical integrity forever remains consigned to the bargain bin of chart history. THANK YOU. TG www.totalguitar.co.uk